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THE BONDAGE OF REGRET AND THE TYRANNY OF MEMORY

One man’s story of abortion: walking between the barriers of the past and fear of the future.
 

My friend and I had an abortion 3 months after Row v. Wade was passed … I then walked in what I refer to as “The Bondage of Regret and the Tyranny of Memory - walking between the barriers of the past and fear of the future.” … We had no opportunity for consultation … It was a mess.

There were two distinct areas of guilt: first, with the child and second, with the lady.

Skip the long convoluted path I took (broken relationships, friends lost by time, marriage, divorce, death) to get there. Suffice it to say, she and I spent one night together (after having known each other for several years). You know the story. That is all it took.

We chose to have the abortion (my suggestion and arrangements). She was agreeable and supportive of that decision. We were both lost and scared … with not a soul to talk to … I went with her, remained for the procedure, took her home … and abandoned her. I did not return calls or mail.

From the moment we walked out of the clinic, this weight descended on my shoulders … and remained.

“I WENT WITH HER, REMAINED FOR THE PROCEDURE, TOOK HER HOME … AND ABANDONED HER. I DID NOT RETURN CALLS OR MAIL.”


After I took her home, the next day she nearly bled to death. She had to quit her job and find a new career. She has had years of therapy (which continues today). She made a good career choice and did quite well for herself. She does not feel that God has forgiven her. She supports abortion rights because to do otherwise she would feel like a hypocrite - that is her statement. Her inner self, however, remains unsettled.

I think of the child every year, or at special times of the year, or his/her life in heaven. Will we see each other or recognize each other? … that my children have a "brother or sister" in heaven ... many (all) of those questions I carry in my heart ... not with my family …

My regret (one of them) is that I acted totally alone, in silence, in secret; there were no resources of folks to talk to about options or alternatives … either for me as a male or as a “couple”… I operated out of fear, embarrassment, shame … I tossed out all the limited Christian roots and teaching of the 10 commandments that I had. I tossed out my Boy Scout laws and promise. I tossed out all that I believed in … for expediency … … and created bondage and lived with the tyranny of that over me …

I also live with the regret for my treatment of a fine lady …

Several years later (I had always been a good church goer and a believer - in the denominational sense), after learning about Christ's forgiveness, while standing in church, with my family around me (it was a burden I carried within myself) I silently repented and asked for God’s forgiveness. Instantly the burden was lifted from my shoulders and a sense of joy welled up within me. It was awesome ... and still is.
 

“MY REGRET (ONE OF THEM) IS THAT I ACTED TOTALLY ALONE, IN SILENCE, IN SECRET”

About 8 years ago I was compelled (God’s compelling) to seek forgiveness; to seek to restore lost and broken relationships, and to acknowledge those who have been of value in my life (both men and women).

The woman involved in this abortion was one that I needed (wanted / desired) to communicate with. I had been trying to locate her for literally decades. A friend of mine located her email address by a common friend.

We have since had much communication ... all by email.

I asked for her forgiveness. I never have received it specifically.

However, I know that I have done my part. I know that God is and has been working in her subsequent difficult life.

We have had many conversations about the circumstance, our emotions, and the steps we individually went through (I would only email, never phone or visit). That has brought a kind of freedom for us both in and of itself.

She sends me really good Christian poetry and other internet stuff … all very good … I know she knows, just cannot accept it for herself ...

I have tried to get her to go to Rachel's Vineyard (a safe place to renew, rebuild and redeem hearts broken by abortion). I have found folks in the area that would be willing to go visit with her. She can't make that step.

As I was going through this process I was accountable to my small group as well as 3 pastors. I also sought and found a professional Christian Counsellor to give myself a "mental check up" to be sure I was OK. And of course my wife was aware also...

“FROM THE MOMENT WE WALKED OUT OF THE CLINIC, THIS WEIGHT DESCENDED ON MY SHOULDERS
… AND REMAINED.”



So that is the gist of it all … lots more detail and good things have resulted from that ...

God is good ... God's grace is sufficient for those who turn to Him.

God’s forgiveness and grace is merciful … but the scars remain … now healed … now somewhat more distant … less troubling … but there … the death that lives within …



If I can help men/boys from having that same experience … at least to be enlightened or educated or have the benefit of wisdom from experience … so be it …

I have learned I no longer have a need to "dump everything on the table" any longer. Seeking forgiveness is a real healer.

The end result of it all, right along with my other missed steps in life, is a desire to be available for others. To hopefully be able to share in someone's life, supporting them to better choices and outcomes. Hence, God’s compelling me to an interest in evangelism and mentoring.
      
One of the key goals of The Valley Care Pregnancy Centre is to offer hope, help and healing for men and women who suffer from their abortion experience. Our experience tells us that most people feel they are alone and have no one to talk to.

We are here for you.

 

 

 

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Kentville, NS

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Kentville, NS
Canada, B4N 3X9

 

 

   
   

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